I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
