The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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