I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
