finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
