I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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