You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
