Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
i think we sleep fucked last night...
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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