Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
