Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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