she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
he shaved USA in his pubs
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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