MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
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