Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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