Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
