currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
