You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
