I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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