She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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