Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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