I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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