Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
