bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
