I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
