I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
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