At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
