Your face is a jimmy john
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
