but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
There's always time for handjobs
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
