I'm sorry my penis didn't work
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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