and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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