Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
