so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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