just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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