God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We don't watch enough power rangers
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
