kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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