we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
