If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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