I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i will never coherently bang her
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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