i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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