she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
