ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
