dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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