Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
