So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
