dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
