i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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