Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
