I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
