In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
