So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
