She is in my trunk
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
