I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
