The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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